Kate Tilton shares on Bullying

 

 

 

I have Kate Tilton here to share on bullying.  Kate runs Froze 8's Blog. I am so very thankful and appreciative that Kate decided to share her story with us.

 

 

 

 

Bullying, well this is a hard topic for me.

I have been bullied, but I actually have to remind myself of that fact, almost like what happened didn't really happen to me.

Why?

I'm honestly not sure. Maybe I just distanced myself from it so much or just that I didn't let it control me, I didn't become a victim.

It was seventh grade, my parents had just divorced during 6th grade, I had moved, I had started public schooling (verses homeschooling) and I had been absolutely blessed with a great 6th grade teacher, and a new best friend.

But seventh grade, that's when I learned the true horror of public school. My friend had been put in a separate class, meaning I saw her only at the beginning and end of the day, so here I was, the new girl, the chubby girl, the smart girl, the girl with no friends.

The kids picked on me if I did not receive and excellent grade, mocking the one skill I had. I was the girl to ask for a pencil because you forgot and then never give it back. They walked all over me. An 8th grader decided I would be his target, he would stab me in the side with a fistful of pens and pencils. Someone once said it was like the boy pushing the girl in the playground because he liked her. I didn't see how that was suppose to make it any better. I spent a lot of my time watching out for him as I quickly packed my bag, like my locker was some danger zone.

It was terrible. I stopped going to school. I used any slight ill-feeling, any excuse to stay home.

That time changed me, in many ways it made me so much colder. I decided if they were picking on me because I was easy prey, I'd stop being easy prey. It didn't take much for me, I lived in a very small town after all. I changed my style, I went from wearing white (and generally Christian t-shirts) to wearing black everyday, playing with funky make-up and things that were not the norm. I stopped letting them walk over me. In many ways this was all a very good thing, I was able to do what I wanted, like what I wanted, and be who I wanted...but it was also very lonely.

Truth be told I have never fit in, I probably will never fit in or feel at home and it hurts. And I hate that it hurts. It shouldn't. Logically I can sit here and explain why it should be great to be different, to embrace it, but yet it still feels so lonely, like there is just no one in the world who quiet understands how I feel, who I am.

I don't have answers for that. I'm not sure if any person truly does. So for me, personally, this had lead me to look back at my faith, to see if maybe, just maybe if I make the effort, make a relationship, maybe then I won't feel alone.

--Kate Tilton

 

 

 

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